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myveryown_nemesis

Hello, my Beautiful Friends!

Sorry for falling off the radar for a couple of days. Life has been lifey -- I got a new phone, which became a brick when it updated the first time (it's all fixed now -- thank you Genius bar!), I went to a Christmas Party (which was the event where I had my last drunk) that had me all jangly, but went well, and I've decided that I need to lean into treating my reckless eating patterns as an addiction. So I've been listening to books and podcasts by specialists in eating disorders, addiction counselors who accept that there are foods that act as addictive substances, and OA Big Book Studies.

My brain has been very busy with my reckless eating habits, because they just keep ramping up as the holidays get closer. I need to define what foods are triggering these behaviors, as well as consider other triggers for the overindulgence (although I haven't fallen into a full-scale binge, it seems like one is right around the corner). On the SMART Recovery side of things, I need to revisit my Cost-Benefit Analysis on reckless eating to see if I missed something. I suppose I need to review all of the exercises I've done in this regard to reckless eating.

On the sobriety front, all is well, AND today is one year sober! While 2025 has been a hot mess of a year in many ways to many people, it's been a wonderful year for me in regard to sober living. I've faced a lot of challenges this past year--my husband's surgery and extended recovery, and losing my sister to cancer top that list. I've also had a lot of good moments (my daughter's wedding was THE best party I've ever been to!) and a lot of growth. I'm looking forward to 2026.

I hope you found something beautiful in your day, and as always, thank you for being here!

Oh, and I'll be posting some poetry tomorrow, but I am not planning on catching up all prompts. I'll just use whatever prompts are singing to me.

myveryown_nemesis

Good Morning, you Beautiful People!

I've completed my lab work for my upcoming vein stent, so the only other thing that I need to take care of today is an errand run (dog food and some groceries -- I might do it as a pickup from the grocery store). After that? I can be as lazy or as productive as I want! I love a surprise lazy day.

I feel like I've been talking about laziness a lot lately. I am a genuinely lazy person--it kinda annoys me when people tell me that it's not true, that I accomplish a lot. Yeah, I do accomplish a lot...some days. And I even enjoy those days, but I prefer to be lazy, and I'm not afraid to admit it!

I hope you find something beautiful in your day, and as always, thank you for being here!

myveryown_nemesis

Hello, my Beautiful Friends!

Today I will be reviewing the budget and bills for December, taking care of the laundry I didn't do yesterday, and continuing to putter around the house, adding holiday touches here and there.

I found a TV movie from 1977 that I was obsessed with when I was 12, about a woman who donned a blonde wig and started to become another person. I've been thinking about that movie on and off for about 6 months, but I could not come up with the name of it. I went looking for it a bit this morning, and after giving up on finding it, I decided it was time to watch Trilogy of Horror, starring Karen Black. I had almost convinced myself that I had made up the other movie, and that I was just misremembering the Therese/Millicent installment of Trilogy. Then it hit me -- it was probably Karen Black as the lead, so why not search Karen Black's 70s TV movies? So I did. AND I FOUND IT: The Strange Possession of Mrs. Oliver...available on YouTube. Guess what I'm watching this afternoon when I'm done doing the adult things? ;~)

My sobriety is doing well, but the reckless eating continues to be the weakest thread. No full-on binging, just eating too many sweets, and eating past being full. It's like I'm stuck in a loop. Probably time to read through the Handbook again, and spend some quality time with Chapter 4 (Coping with Urges) and Chapter 5 (Managing Thoughts, Feelings, and Behaviors). For Chapter 5, I'd be focusing mostly on behaviors, I think, but I won't know until I dive back in.

That's what's happening in my neck of the woods. I hope that you find something beautiful in your neck of the woods, and as always, thank you for being here!

myveryown_nemesis

#Whistpr Daily Word‬

A daily word prompt meant to inspire any type of creativity.

Word for December 9, 2025: #END

the list we never wrote

these over used words

should be retired

we both know what they are

12-09-2025

myveryown_nemesis

#SŌLSËËD prompts courtesy of

@arwashington.bsky.social

#lights #nothaiku

glimmers

when you close your eyes,

do the colors blind you?

will the light still bind you?

12-09-2025

myveryown_nemesis

Good Morning, you Beautiful People!

I suggested a gradual rollout of the holiday decorations, and my husband was completely on board! AND we skipped our annual silly argument about putting up the tree. Yay! We put up the tree (pre-lit) and topped it with a star. I also brought up the stockings and the tree skirt. I'll put up the stockings later today. I need to make a name tag for Ted. When the kids were little, I made cross-stitch name tags for their stockings. Then I made them for my husband and myself. And I made my one for my son-in-law a couple of years ago, before he was our son-in-law. It was the second time he joined us for Christmas, and he already felt like part of the family, so the personalized stocking was a must! I've never done a stocking for any of our canine family members. Mostly because my husband never bought them "stocking stuffers" for Christmas. He claims that I have spoiled Ted rotten, but seriously, my husband has done his fair share of spoiling!

Okay. Where was I? Got it -- I'll hang the stockings, and check and see if I have what I need for Ted's stocking. If not, I'll drop by the craft store to get what I need. I have my telepsych appointment this morning at 10:30, and I'll work on the holiday cards. After that, I'll probably watch a movie. I haven't decided between spooky or holiday yet -- maybe a combination? Oh! I wonder if I can find Rare Exports streaming somewhere -- if you want to watch a foreign film that isn't exactly a horror or a comedy, and might be both, with a character that is and isn't Santa or Krampus, I strongly recommend. It's a weird little journey, but I love that movie!

A quick scan of this update shows that today is "end your paragraph with an exclamation mark day" -- I feel obligated to complete the trend!

I hope you find something beautiful in your day, and as always, thank you for being here!

myveryown_nemesis

Horror Writing Prompt no. 2029: pendulum

#horrorprompt

again

the waves pound the shore

as the skies above fall and

the pendulum swings

2025-12-08

myveryown_nemesis

#SŌLSËËD prompts courtesy of

@arwashington.bsky.social

#gift #haiku4u

three wee things

a delicate scent,

a gentle touch, a whisper

a gift most cherished

12-08-2025

myveryown_nemesis

#Whistpr Daily Word‬

A daily word prompt meant to inspire any type of creativity.

Word for December 8, 2025: #AURORA

aurora

softly, she draws close

gently folding back the night

a new day dawning

12-08-2025

myveryown_nemesis

Good Morning, you Beautiful People!

I really enjoyed my lazy Sunday. I walked with Ted as planned, went to the bank, picked up the groceries, and finished my Christmas Shopping. I also realized that I hadn't started my Holiday Cards. I remember buying a bunch after the holidays last year, so I'll dig them out today.

I've moved the couch to make room for the Christmas Tree, and spread the holiday runner on the kitchen table. I'm going to try to convince my husband that we should only bring one box of holiday decorations up from the garage at a time. I don't know if he'll go for that or not. Once I get dressed, I'm going to bring up the Christmas Tree. I don't really want to set up the creche, as I'm no longer comfortable with the Christian mythos -- the allegory just doesn't fit my experience with how the Universe works. If my husband asks for it, I'll bring it up, but I'd really prefer to let it stay in storage for the season.

I slept through my morning AA meeting again -- I really need to pay more attention to my sleep hygiene. The only other things on my to-do list for today are to curb the garbage (including the HVAC filter) and maybe do some meal planning. It's a Hungryroot week, so that's basically done already.

I forgot who asked for the review, but whoever you are, I quite like the Hungryroot meal service. There is a lot of flexibility in the ordering process, and you can choose how easy you want the meals to be. I don't mind cooking, but I'm lazy and don't like cleaning up, so I stick to meals that use fewer ingredients or that include already-cooked proteins. And I can even afford to do an occasional steak dinner! You can also put your plan on hold (which I've done several times due to the wedding and Thanksgiving). Overall, I give the subscription a solid A. Your mileage, of course, may vary.

I hope you find something beautiful in your day, and as always, thank you for being here!

myveryown_nemesis

A daily word prompt meant to inspire any type of creativity.

Tag your post: #whistpr

Word for December 7, 2025: #CROWD

truism

of all the lonely places

a crowd is much too common.

12-07-2025

I was going to write some more, but I decided that I like the two simple lines, not quite alone.

myveryown_nemesis

Hello, my Beautiful Friends!

My brain is still a little wonky from the sleep disturbances my ADHD brain triggered, but *I* and not *feeling* triggered or twitchy. Just a bit fuzzy around the edges.

I was going to run a few errands today, but I decided to do the shopping online. So my last Christmas present is now purchased and on its way, and my miscellaneous groceries will be ready for pick-up at three.

When I'm done with my check-in, I'll be taking Ted on a walk and then have lunch. And once the pick-up is done, my day will be free! I have an alarm set on my phone for the grocery pickup in case I fall asleep after the walk and lunch, so I'm covered.

My husband and son are in Baltimore for the football game, so Ted and I are left to our devices. It's going to be a pretty lazy day, and that's a beautiful way to spend a Sunday.

How do I feel? Pretty good, just sleepy. I know it's only been a day, but I really thought I'd miss YouTube more than I do...but I don't! I still need to find another source for the Big Book studies that I like, but I'm sure they are out there. I'll find them when I get around to it.

I hope you are having a beautiful Sunday, and as always, thank you for being here!

myveryown_nemesis

#Haiku4U

“Few words. Infinite light.”

#hibernate

season's slumber

we shall hibernate

when the sky is nothing more

than a weighted quilt

12-06-2025

#senryū

#APoemADay

myveryown_nemesis

A daily word prompt meant to inspire any type of creativity.

Tag your post: #whistpr

Word for December 5, 2025: #RED

second-hand blame

they tore out their carpet,

the color of cheap wine

the muddy red of clay

they tracked inside their home

then cast away with shame.

12-06-2025

myveryown_nemesis

casting dice with the devil

you act like you build golden towers;

he'll raise masquerades like sunflowers.

you praise faulty gods;

he plays games with frauds.

together, you'll never shun power.

12-06-2025

myveryown_nemesis

Good Morning, you Beautiful People!

Feel free to sing whatever "good morning" song is in your head. My brain is bouncing back and forth between "Good Morning to You" (we sang it most mornings in kindergarten, back in the day) and "Good Morning" from Singing in the Rain. My brain is busy.

The ADHD upswing is still prominent, and I somehow managed to wake at a decent hour despite being up past 2am again. My "normal" bedtime is around 9pm. When my brain gets like this, it's almost manic. I've discussed it with both my therapist and my psychiatrist, and neither believes it to be indicative of bipolar disorder. I'm "within the range of normal" with my swings -- it's just that the more manic side of the see-saw has so much fun with my ADHD brain. Other than making my sleep wonky from time to time, it usually isn't problematic. I tend to be more productive during those periods, and they usually start with getting things in order. It isn't until the top of the swing that things get wonky. I'm in a wonky stage right now, which means I'll probably crash in a day or two, for a day or two, and then be on an even keel for a while. I really should track the swings -- I think I'll do that in January. I'm tracking enough things (daily clean, handwriting practice, meditation, 10pm lights out, a poem a day, PT/Stretch, sobriety work/walking with Ted) right now.

In January, I'll probably stop tracking the poem a day. Last month, I missed 3 days (but I made up for them!), so that's completing the habit 90% of the time, with a 100% make-up rate. If I'm still hitting 24 or more days per month (80% of the time), then I'm going to consider the daily writing as a new habit established. Walking Ted and sobriety work (which includes my daily check-ins) also had a high success rate, so I might stop tracking them in January as well. It will all depend on how December goes. I know from personal experience that a 30-day period is not sufficient for me to establish a new habit. That is still in the "I'm experimenting" zone.

I have a short list of things to accomplish today:

print more penmanship pages,
go to my noon AA meeting,
put away the rest of the laundry, and
research Joe & Charlie and Lawrie C audio files.

When I closed down my YouTube account, I realized that was where I had both of the AA Book Study playlists. I'm sure that I can find a sobriety podcast or website that has a copy of the studies.

Anyway...

So, how am I feeling? My brain is awake, but my eyes are tired. I feel wonky, but not twitchy. I have the tools I need to be aware of feeling off-kilter without feeling like diving into reckless behavior is a good idea. It might be an idea I'll have, but I'll know it isn't a good one, so I'll play the tape forward, or run a quick CBA in my head if I find myself playing with such ideas. Feelings are not facts. Ideas and thoughts are also not destined to become facts. I'll take the time to find the facts, let my emotions be my emotions, and I will be able to ride through this wonkiness without falling into a big puddle of reckless choices.

That was a long babble, but it was good for me to have. I hope there was something good for you in there, too! I hope you find something beautiful in your day, and as always, thank you for being here!

myveryown_nemesis

Well. I missed checking in this morning, huh? It's less than an hour away from tomorrow morning, according to my clock here on the East Coast. Oops!

Today was very ADHD, but I did well on the sobriety front, across all three threads: no alcohol urges (really, they have gone away as urges; there is the occasional thought, but they are brushed off easily), solid food decisions, and I stuck to the shopping plan for Christmas gifts. So I'm done with shopping for 2025 -- other than groceries! I always "gift" myself with either a wardrobe boost or a modest piece of jewelry in December, and I went for the wardrobe boost. I needed to replace a pair of boots, and to upgrade some undergarments, so it wasn't particularly splurgy, since the boots were on sale AND I had a gift code from the store. Go me!

A lot of things went undone or were only partially done today -- the ADHD has been rather dominant lately. I think it's two-fold:

1. the holiday season, and

2. my sleep is still wonky

I really need to get back to a regular sleep pattern. Some of it is because I'm going into hyperfocus mode on silly things after dinner, some of it is because my husband has been keeping odd hours due to his pain acting up (the injections have clearly worn off, and the next one isn't scheduled until Dec 15, poor guy!). To head off the evening hyper focus, I've decided to completely shut down my YouTube account. I still have a Gmail account, because my phone is a Pixel, but I think I'm otherwise free of actively using Google apps outside of what my phone demands that I use, and any sneaky behind-the-scenes Google-isms that are out of my control. I know that Apple has just as many "tech bro issues" as Google, but I think I'm going back to Apple as soon as my phone contract is paid off. I dropped YouTube due to the amount of time I spent scrolling through shorts -- I totally get how people get addicted to TikTok!

Anyway. My concept of time and sleep is a bit wonky, but other than that, I'm feeling pretty good. I hope you found something beautiful in your day today, and as always, thank you for being here!

myveryown_nemesis

A daily word prompt meant to inspire any type of creativity.

Tag your post: #whistpr

Word for December 4, 2025: #WATERFALL

cascade

water falls through me, over me, around me

I am not drenched nor do I drown

I am an island of my own

a respite, a comfort, a rock

wrapped by seas of fire.

12-04-2025

........................................................

This is a completely off the cuff draft. But I think I like it? I'm not sure about that sea of fire, though.

myveryown_nemesis

Good Morning, you Beautiful People!

I slept in a little bit today, but not as much as yesterday. My sinuses have also been wonky, but I don't feel sick, so I think it's an allergy thing. Since I'm allergic to dogs, dust, and cats, I'm thinking that Ted must be shedding more than usual, since I've been taking my antihistamines regularly. It's time to add the daily saline rinse back into the program. I usually only do it when I'm feeling wonky, and well, I guess I'm feeling wonky, so it's time.

Today I have yardwork on the list, but really, there isn't much yardwork to do. I want to wait one more week before raking the remains of the leaves that have gathered around the fence and giving them a good mowing to "vacuum" the yard and let the leaves do their natural mulching thing that they do. So I'll probably do a poop patrol and call it done, unless something inspires me while I'm in the yard.

The other things on my list are simple: finally put away the load of laundry that I did on Tuesday, 30 minutes of housekeeping, and listen to a Big Book study. I haven't decided if I want to go the Lawrie C (OA) or the Joe and Charlie (AA) route. Whatever way the wind blows, I suppose!

How am I feeling about that sobriety braid? Pretty good. I still feel solid in the alcohol thread, and the reckless spending feels less reckless on a daily basis. I do sometimes get a little angsty when working on the budget. Accounts payable? I can handle that. Setting a budget for future spending? That tends to overwhelm me.

I spoke with my therapist about my feelings around food, and she thinks that my parameters are good on both a nutritional level and in terms of being feasible, so that's good. I did catch myself doing some addict-brain thinking last night after dinner. I started thinking about how I could have some cookies from the pantry (I haven't put them out in the kitchen yet, because we still have some applesauce cake, and I've decided that one dessert on display is more than enough visual stimulation!), and a glass of milk, and take them to my office, and no one would know. I wasn't hungry, I only kinda wanted something sweet, and that plan to hide the venture was a huge red flag. So I put on the brakes, did a quick CBA on the Cookie Caper, and wisely chose to get a cup of chamomile tea and sip it in the sunroom instead of isolating in my office.

I love my office, and spend a lot of time creating, reading, and connecting with friends through online social networks. It's important for me to be aware of when I'm crossing the line between recharging my introvert's battery and isolating from the people I live with. It's not a sharp boundary, so sometimes it's a challenge.

And that is what is in my brain this morning. I hope you find something beautiful in your day, and as always, thank you for being here!

myveryown_nemesis

#Haiku4U

“Few words. Infinite light.”

translucence

I filter the past

like frost upon a window

subtle light shines through

12-03-2025

#APoemADay

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